**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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