Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize