on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
