Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
