Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
