So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
