Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Only a mothe r could love this liver
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
