you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
