12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You can't motorboat a personality
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
