I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Randomize
