i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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