I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
