We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
