Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
