Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
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Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
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The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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