I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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