your parents love me but you hate me
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
