you would pick up someone in the library
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
