sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
