i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
