All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
