4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
