The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
