Your dad touched me again.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
