My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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