Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
