Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
