he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
