Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
