I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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