dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I need to stop coming to work sober
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
