My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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