just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
