So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
