you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
