I need help removing her.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
