bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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