just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
