Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
40s are totally the cure
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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