with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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