I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
