I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We need to get me chipped asap
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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