if i can run in heels then i can drive
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
