I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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