The maid of honor just puked.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
