i wish there were pregnant emoticons
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
it's great music for shaving your balls
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
