Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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