You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
