dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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