I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
