Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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