I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
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well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
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we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize