you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
