Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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