I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
