clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
