I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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