it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
