I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
