You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
