I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize