I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
