Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
