Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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