I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize