Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
