Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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