Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
