Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
